So that’s it. No more American Idol for another year. Last night Adam Lambert and Kris Allen sang their final songs, so it’s over.
No, hang on, wait - there’s still tonight’s American Idol final results show to go. But, hey, that shouldn’t take too long, should it? Hello, here’s the winner, goodbye. Probably three, three and a half minutes, tops.
What? Two hours? Two full hours, plus the inevitable 30 minutes of unplanned overtime because Paula Abdul will get overexcited while answering a question and start speaking in whalesong for no good reason whatsoever? Thanks, American Idol. You’re spoiling us. Really.
Judging by some of the comments we’ve received this week, this could be one of the most divisive American Idol finals in history. In one corner is Adam Lambert, the show’s break-out star. And in the other is Kris Allen, the amiable dark horse who’s probably only in the American Idol final because people couldn’t bear to see Danny Gokey get any more attention.
Because of this, whoever wins American Idol tonight will blunder into a massive shitstorm. If Kris Allen wins, some will claim it’d be down to bigots working the anti-gay vote. And if Adam Lambert wins, some will threaten to boycott the show because it’s become too camp - which is really saying something for a ballad-heavy singing competition hosted by Ryan Seacrest and judged by Simon Cowell.
But that’ll play out in the days and weeks to come. At least we can all be united on one front - regardless of whether Kris Allen or Adam Lambert sings American Idol, the song that the winner will have to release as a first single is horrible.
No Boundaries, it’s called. It’s all mountains and roads and hapless sincerity. It’s sounds like a bloody Gillette advert. From 1986. Honestly, No Boundaries is so terrible that neither contestant got it right - Kris Allen’s version was off-key and insipid and Adam Lambert’s version was like Meat Loaf karaoke performed by a man with a face like a crying baby.
This is how bad No Boundaries was - American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi said that she didn’t want anyone to be judged by it. And she wrote the bloody thing. What hope do the rest of us have?
If you want to hear No Boundaries for yourself, then we’d suggest tuning into the final American Idol results show tonight where, in a gormless attempt to shift copies, it’ll no doubt be performed twice each by Kris Allen and Adam Lambert, then again by one of the guest stars, then again by a choir of war-scarred orphans standing on a canyon at sunset in front of a firework display made to look like a unicorn hugging a dolphin.
So, who do we think will win American Idol tonight? We’re going to go out on a limb here and say us. Because after tonight we won’t have to write about American Idol again for months. And in many ways, that’s the greatest prize of all.
No, hang on, wait - there’s still tonight’s American Idol final results show to go. But, hey, that shouldn’t take too long, should it? Hello, here’s the winner, goodbye. Probably three, three and a half minutes, tops.
What? Two hours? Two full hours, plus the inevitable 30 minutes of unplanned overtime because Paula Abdul will get overexcited while answering a question and start speaking in whalesong for no good reason whatsoever? Thanks, American Idol. You’re spoiling us. Really.
Judging by some of the comments we’ve received this week, this could be one of the most divisive American Idol finals in history. In one corner is Adam Lambert, the show’s break-out star. And in the other is Kris Allen, the amiable dark horse who’s probably only in the American Idol final because people couldn’t bear to see Danny Gokey get any more attention.
Because of this, whoever wins American Idol tonight will blunder into a massive shitstorm. If Kris Allen wins, some will claim it’d be down to bigots working the anti-gay vote. And if Adam Lambert wins, some will threaten to boycott the show because it’s become too camp - which is really saying something for a ballad-heavy singing competition hosted by Ryan Seacrest and judged by Simon Cowell.
But that’ll play out in the days and weeks to come. At least we can all be united on one front - regardless of whether Kris Allen or Adam Lambert sings American Idol, the song that the winner will have to release as a first single is horrible.
No Boundaries, it’s called. It’s all mountains and roads and hapless sincerity. It’s sounds like a bloody Gillette advert. From 1986. Honestly, No Boundaries is so terrible that neither contestant got it right - Kris Allen’s version was off-key and insipid and Adam Lambert’s version was like Meat Loaf karaoke performed by a man with a face like a crying baby.
This is how bad No Boundaries was - American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi said that she didn’t want anyone to be judged by it. And she wrote the bloody thing. What hope do the rest of us have?
If you want to hear No Boundaries for yourself, then we’d suggest tuning into the final American Idol results show tonight where, in a gormless attempt to shift copies, it’ll no doubt be performed twice each by Kris Allen and Adam Lambert, then again by one of the guest stars, then again by a choir of war-scarred orphans standing on a canyon at sunset in front of a firework display made to look like a unicorn hugging a dolphin.
So, who do we think will win American Idol tonight? We’re going to go out on a limb here and say us. Because after tonight we won’t have to write about American Idol again for months. And in many ways, that’s the greatest prize of all.
from www.hecklerspray.com
ไม่มีความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น